No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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