Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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