I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
