If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
