who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
