it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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