She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
