my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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