Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
