I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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