anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
