After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
