I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
