I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
