I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
