Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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