man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
