At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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