i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
