we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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