I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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