she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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