I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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