Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she pinky promised me she was 18
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
