I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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