but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
