Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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