He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
