I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
