I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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