This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
