im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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