I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I said "one day" and that day is not today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
