As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Panties = found
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
