toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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