I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
