suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
