I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
