i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
