There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
