he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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