What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
