By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
