Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
