I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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