Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
