Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
