That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
