Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
