this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
