alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
