So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
