How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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