I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
