and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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