I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
